This week in captions presents:



Neil Punsalan - No shit, Jesus craps bacon covered donuts.
Michael Torpey - With the dollar in free fall, the US Treasury unveiled its newest unit of currency.
Pat Driscoll - Speed Racer star John Goodman revealed why he went to rehab.
Mike "Train" Aransky - Dunkin Donuts revealed it's new line of "colon explosive donuts"
David Z Price - Last week, a cooked-bacon truck crashed into a freshly maple-glazed donut truck, unintentionally changing the world.




Sam Winter - When Mrs. McClure's kindergarten class takes over the world, bulldogs will be worshipped as gods.

Pat Driscoll - Whoever owns this dog is a real dick.

Jay LaPlante - Captain Scrabbles dreams of blood and vengeance.

Mike O'Gorman - The dog version of Santa Claus is closer to our Santa than we originally thought.

Lou “Dobby” Guarino - Last year’s winner of the Web's Sexiest Host Contest.







J Crowley - Tomax and Xamot, prepare yourself for the battle of your life!
Jay LaPlante - Awww, how can you resist those dimple?
Mike "Train" Aransky - Master of the Universe's Man-E-Face’s love child.
Ted O’Gorman - This kid better be able to sing in two-part harmony.
Greg Kissner - At least we only have to buy one comb.
Mike O’Gorman - Scientists were baffled by a baby born with a tiny beer belly on it's face.
Tom Seymour - Baby1: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 
Baby2:Yes.



Dave Price - After 15 years of dedicated research, wildlife expert Jeff Corwin proved that inter-species eskimo kisses are possible.
Neil Punsalan - Everyone's looking at his gross jaguar fingers, right?
Mike O’Gorman - A zoologist nuzzles the creature from Disney's "Flight of The Navigator"
Greg Kissner - Does my breath smell like the flesh of your child?
Tom Seymour - Uwe Boll is knocked out in third round by vicious Jaguar.




Michael Torpey - Here's to a perfectly tied tie!
David Z Price - Sick and tired of all the rumors, Obama publicly proved he is steroid free.
Neil Punslan - Here's to you, latently racist America.
Ted O’Gorman - Mmmmm a frothy cup of Obama piss always brightens the day.
Greg Kissner - Obama toasts to his supporters in Grayscale County.
Tom Seymour - I said get me a Martini you coal mining piece of shit.



Sam Winter - This bird's father: "You're not a woodpecker, and you'll never be a woodpecker! Stop dreaming and get a real job!!!"
J Crowley - Hard times from a US recession have even hit our most beloved symbol of freedom, forcing this bald eagle to eat half it's own beak.
Dave Price - Chewing tobacco: not just dangerous to humans.
Michael Torpey - "Anyone else smell bottom beak? Just me?"
Jay LaPlante - Squak! I'm a living metaphor. Squak!
Neil Punsalan - PWNED!!!