Oh man, I am so tired from this past weekend. I just can’t get myself right. I mean it’s almost a week ago and I just can’t catch up. Totally burnt out. Sheesh.

Did I not tell you about what happened? Oh man, I’m sorry. I can’t believe I’ve been complaining before I even…let me just get to it.

So, Friday night I’m out and at around 2:30 in the morning my cell phone rings. Restricted number, which I usually don’t answer but I had had a few pops and was feeling adventurous.

“Hello?” I said.

“Get ready, the helicopter will be there in 15 minutes,” said the voice on the other end.

Now, I’ve been expecting it, but just not this soon. I mean, I’m more than a bit wobbly at this point and I’ve had zero, I mean zero time to prepare. I immediately go and buy a giant Smart Water -- you know, for the electrolytes -- and head to the roof.

Marine One lands and there’s ole 41 and Babs waiting for me with a freshly pressed tuxedo, which they make me change into immediately.

“Can’t I take a little nap first, guys?”

“Just put the tux on, then nap.” Babs said as she handed me two valiums.

The rest of the helicopter ride is a haze because, as I said, I’d been drinking and now the former first lady is feeding me prescription drugs that have not been prescribed to me. What could I do? I took them and I must have slept for hours, even after the helicopter landed.

Next thing I know W is shaking my body and smacking my face yelling, “wake up, son it’s almost time.”

Then he handed me a chocolate Mr. Softee cone, which was nice.

I get out of the helicopter, get my bearings, breathe that sweet Crawford, Texas air and walk to the front of the crowd and wait for my bride.

As Jenna walked down the aisle arm in arm with “Dubby Daddy” (that’s what he makes me call him), I can see Laura start to cry. She must have been super happy.

About 20 minutes later I’m married and it’s everything I hoped it would be.

Really nice.

But shit, man, I am tired.