Oh man, I’m so tired from this past week. I cannot for the life of me, get back on track. I’m just not used to this new schedule. Sheesh.

Did I not tell you about what’s been going on? Oh man, I’m sorry. I can’t believe I’ve been complaining before I even… let me just get to it.

I recently started dating Hulk Hogan’s ex-wife Linda Hogan. I know it’s crazy, but I guess that last dude was just a bit too young, and I’m just right.

The only problem is, along with being super foxy, my girl loves to party down, if you know what I mean?

First she flies me down to Florida. First class! Nice! As soon as I get off the plane she’s like, “Woooo! Party! Let’s Do It!” And I have to. I have to do it.

I mean, she’s Linda Hogan. Mother of Brooke Hogan.

So, three hours in and Linda and I have downed about six Long Island Iced Teas each and we’re dancing our faces off. Just killing the dance floor. Charleston – check! Hustle – check! Mashed Potato – check!

It was fun and she tried to get me into three fights. I only have to actually fight two of the guys, but they both win.

After getting beat up, I was so tired but Linda won’t let me sleep because she wants me to go meet her son, Nick Hogan, because there’s a good possibility that soon he’ll be my stepson.

So, we drive to the jail where he’s currently serving time for almost murdering his best friend by mistake.

He’s nice enough. He thinks I’m too young for his mom, but I think he shouldn’t have almost murdered his best friend by mistake. It’s a trade off.

After that we spend the rest of the day and night chasing the paparazzi while getting messed up on Bud Light Lime’s and Adderall. Which is a great time.

Then we finally get to Linda’s house. She passes out, but I’m still so hopped up that I can’t fall asleep for hours. When I finally do fall asleep, Linda wakes me up by punching me in the face and saying, “Come on, pussy, it’s day drinking time!” And it’s back to the bar.

It continues like this for five more days. Sure, they’re great days with a vibrant, passionate, old woman but man, I’m really tired.